at an ikon service a couple of months ago, someone stood up and read a list of 'fifty things i believe'.
i was amazed.
i was perturbed.
i sit in st anne's cathedral to watch how the light gets in through those long stained glass windows so gently numinous as the choir begins to intone behind me and the air above my head is like an ocean of stillness peopleless a gorgeous void
i am not here to recite a creed in fact when they do recite that creed i stay silent in parts i cannot say all of the lines and stay true to myself i do not believe all of the things they say in church but i am here i am alive and i am listening listening to the void above my head strangely numinous and i am watching watching the light which isn't luminous it dazzles gently like an emily dickinson poem it dazzles by degrees
i cannot list the things i believe there seems to be so few of these and the things i believe are subject to revision they are stored in an open palm
the things i believe are in transit a train ride between what is and what could be
i want to live listening to the music of what is happening to the this is real this is real this is real
the things i believe i am not sure if i can say the things i believe can speak for themselves
